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Archive for March, 2010


Green

green

Pretty green

Light green

Dark green

Bright green

Pale green

Peeking in my window

From behind that brown blanket

(that has been covering the earth for much too long)

I have found you!

You can’t hide anymore.

You are calling me outside

To see you

To touch you

To know that you promise life

And hold secrets

and surprises

What are you planning?

What are your intentions?

Flowers

Fruit

Shade

Rest

A haven

A home

A gathering place

A carpet of green shaded by a great green umbrella

I love when green colors my world.

Kimberley Formosa © 2010

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From out of

Piqued

Are my flesh and my bones

Antagonized

Are my days with the attempted

degradation of who I am

Are my nights with a deep incessant

ache with every movement

Invisible

Are the ways I suffer

My body declaring war against itself

Revolting on a whim

Numb

I wish I were…

Beauty.

This post today, is very difficult for me to share. I have my entire life, shielded my emotions by the smile I made readily evident. My nickname as a child was Smiley. There are still the few, that when I see them, their face brightens as they remember my name, “Smiley.” Upon becoming an adult, I still smile a lot, but I have realized I can only lie well once, please let me explain.

When someone asks me how I am, I can put that smile on my face and say “Okay.” once. After that, if my friend or family member asks me again, I understand just how much they really care. And because they care, I feel obligated to tell them how I really do feel. Often times, my words are accompanied by tears.

The last few years have exacerbated a condition I have and many of my days and nights are filled with pain. I am under the care of several caring physicians that are working together to allow me to live my life to the fullest. For that, I am very grateful.

I wrote this poem a few weeks ago. If you remember, I have used the old saying, “From out of pain, beauty”  before in my post titled, Turning. Those words written above describe how my body is experiencing physical pain. I have days that I call “wasted” because my only purpose is to battle the pain and fatigue. Other days are okay. Yet others I feel fabulous and I have a blast and try to do everything I want. And I always want to do something. Therefore, much too often, on my bad days, I am living with the guilt of not being there for my family like I want to be. I am learning to live with that. I am also trying to pace myself. Honestly, I have been fairly unsuccessful at accomplishing that. But, I am trying.

I realize that this post may not be as encouraging as others, but I hope that you find that the essence, the heart of those words above, are to draw you to another place. Yes, those words are what my body experiences several times a week, at this time. But, my hope lies in the truth that God loves me; I am in the palm of his hand; He has orchestrated so much beauty in my life that I can trust Him to know that He is always with me. I also realize that most of what I write has been written as I was experiencing pain. Most likely, I would not have written so much without the experience of pain.

Whether that pain was physical, emotional, or spiritual; Pain is real. And pain effects each person differently and I believe that it is a good thing to understand that you are not alone in your pain. I may not be able to understand the level of your pain, but I do believe that what you are experiencing is very real and I hope to never disregard the pain that you may be enduring. Pain occurs at every stage in life, but I believe the most difficult pain to overcome is the pain a mother feels for her child as they are suffering. This pain has been, at times, so overwhelming to me that truly, all I can do is trust in God, and pray.

When pain can take you to this place, God and prayer, you will find it to be a place of beauty and hope.

Vincent Van Gogh painted “The Good Samaritan” while he was staying in an institution suffering with mental anguish. The story, as well as the art displayed, I find exquisitely beautiful.

Surely, he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows…Isaiah 53:4a

http://www.spondylitis.org/main.aspx

http://www.fmaware.org/site/PageServer

Kimberley Formosa © 2010

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Raindrops


There is something

to be said

About a soft lingering

Rain

Falling gently on an

Evening in

March

Quenching the

Earth

and everything that longs

to be

Green

Once more.

Raindrops

Falling

On my skin.

Rain

On

Me.

Kimberley Formosa © 2010

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Harmony


Harmony dressed in

flowing white

In the stillness

of the night

In the dew coolness

of the light

Where darkness fills the

empty void

A melody of love

enjoyed

Reaching out for

definition

Wrapping around in

transition

Going nowhere and

returning

Going somewhere while

deserving

Soft and steady

lingering rains

On green, mossy

cobblestone lanes.

Silence until…

Music fulfills.

Thunder warns of

lightenings’ strike.

May springs’ showers bathe you with love.

Kimberley Formosa © 2010

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1

Her hand

Virtuously ivory

Young and gentle.

Two fingers

Gingerly resting

Upon the water.

2

A cool vernal brook

Mirroring the heavens.

A profound and placid

Hope

Deep within

Calm and faithful.

3

Two fingers

Upsetting the current

A slight disturbance

Friction imposed.

Watching

As they ripple

Further and further

Away

From the other.

4

Until those ripples are

Consumed

Following the course

Of the current

Again.

5

Now she understands.

6

But her hope remains

Deep

Placid

Steady

Constant

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anticipating stanza number

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

7

Kimberley Formosa © 2010

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Hatred lies behind me

Kindness surrounds me.

Violence tries to hold my hand

My hands are grasping Love and Peace.

Gossip would like me to lend an ear

I listen to Forgiveness.

Dissension shows me many things

I see through the eyes of Compassion.

Laziness calls out my name

Hard Work is my friend.

Pride knocks on my door

I welcome in Humility.

Shouting yells at me

I speak with Gentleness.

Foolishness seeks me out

Wisdom is whom I search for.

Lying offers me a drink

I thirst only for Truth.

Death tries to grab me

I am in the palm of His Hand.

Kimberley Formosa © 2010

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As I write

I imagine:

Love ~ that overwhelms

Kindness ~ that remembers

Gentleness ~ that echoes

Compassion ~ that endures.

I imagine

The warmth of one hand

Holding another.

As I write

I look deep into my soul

While looking into your eyes

And I imagine…

This woman pictured, Sakubai Gite, suffered with leprosy as a teenager in India. Notice the evidence of disease in her fingers. She delivered and still cares for the child she is holding.

What would happen to our world if we each took a step out of “our world” and cared for another human being? I believe that many people do provide kindness, compassion, love, and the resounding strength of gentleness to others. When I take notice of the recent tragedies that have effected the countries of Haiti, and Chile, the every day hunger and disease that ravage the third world countries, sometimes I wonder… “Why? Why is there so much suffering?” At times, it can be overwhelming.

At that point I try to imagine the things that I can do to make a difference in this world. Maybe I can’t go to India and take care of all the orphans but I can take a hot bowl of soup to my neighbor that is not feeling well. I can make really good grilled cheese sandwiches for a couple of kids for lunch, that otherwise may not have had anything to eat. Sometimes what I can do seems so small and insignificant, but is it really? I have to remember that there is only One to whom my actions are considered, and that is where I will place my trust, in the One who created me and placed me in this world to be exactly who I am.

In what ways do you portray love, gentleness, kindness, and compassion? Please feel free to share with me the ways in which you make this world a little more comfortable, more caring, and more considerate for another.

Kimberley Formosa © 2010

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